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DECEMBER 2, 2005 at 2:22 PM
Posted by CHEESER
Source: Forbes via The Leaky Cauldron
Forbes has published a hilarious article
detailing the wealth of various fictional characters and Lucius Malfoy came in at #15.
Through brisk trading of Dark Arts artifacts on eBay to his stock holdings in Wal-Mart and Halliburton, Malfoy saw his fortune increase 30%, even while behind bars at Azkaban:
Much of Malfoy's gain can be attributed to surging commodities markets. The price of gold is at its highest level since 1987, up 16% since January alone. Malfoy's stores of gold galleons and silver sickles--among the purest mintings of those metals known--have appreciated significantly.
Despite these material gains, it’s clear Lucius' imprisonment has been personally painful. His wife, Narcissa, has reportedly begun making midnight visits to a "family friend," a tall, thin and greasy-haired professor at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. And Draco, Lucius' only son, disappeared this year following the murder of Hogwarts headmaster Albus Dumbledore.
Thanks to TLC and those who sent this in.
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Remus's Werewolf Wife
Points: 7223
Professor Lexi Lupin says:
*Laughs* The things they say man... Hehe but that was great this article made me laugh.
Remus's Werewolf Wife
Posted Mar 19, 2006 at 2:14 AM EST
Squib
Points: 186
FobeeOne says:
That is awesome! What a funny article! Only someone like Malfoy would invest in a company like Hailiburton. And as far as campaign contributions go, I wouldn't be surprised if his galleons made it to the muggle world of US politics....
Posted Mar 19, 2006 at 8:51 PM EST
Head Girl
Points: 471
the_very_random_girl says:
I just wonder if the e-bay mention was coincidental. JK Rowling mentions on her site several times that she's had trouble with e-bay. Maybe a snide yes subtle remark on how they don't monitor what is being sold?
Posted Apr 16, 2006 at 1:22 PM EST
Witch
Points: 701
Kelly Ann Snape says:
Interesting... Lucius on the fortune five hundred... interesting. Money isn't doing him much good where he is now.
Posted Apr 17, 2006 at 6:57 PM EST
Squib
Points: 137
SnApE iS mY hErO says:
Wow! That was a great quote! Classic! I especially liked the quotes from Moody and Tonks! And it's so true that many stars make loads of money while still in jail!
Posted Apr 18, 2006 at 7:14 PM EST
Witch
Points: 646
~!*Gryffindor Rules*!~ says:
That is hilarious! I can't believe someone wrote an atricle about this!
Posted Apr 26, 2006 at 8:50 PM EST
Student
Points: 299
Raukainuial says:
Oh, I love the post. It had me clutching my sides in agony from laughing so much! My poor brother thought I was having a seizure.
Posted May 1, 2006 at 7:01 PM EST
Muggle
Points: 24
Mary Smartley says:
The article makes Malfoy seem very real. I guess we could almost compare him with Donald Trump considering they are both very wealthy. Too bad Harry couldn't trade in his wizarding currency for English pounds or American money, he would probably be pretty well off!
Posted May 2, 2006 at 11:20 AM EST
Witch
Points: 750
magna says:
Haha. The full article is great. Clever writer. I like how he incorporated quotes from Tonks and Mad Eye Moody. A good laugh is always appreciated, especially in a magazine like Forbes.
Posted May 23, 2006 at 1:04 PM EST
Professor
Points: 1180
July_21_GAH says:
That's so funny!!! Poor Lucius, sitting there knowing that his wife is making "midnight visits" *raises eyebrows suggestively* But that's a totally awesome article!
Posted Jun 24, 2006 at 11:38 AM EST
Auror
Points: 2572
Roswelladdict says:
What a funny little article. I can't believe I am just now finding it.
Posted Jul 1, 2006 at 5:47 PM EST
Wizard
Points: 521
Muggle 999 says:
I like the bit they added in about snape - "His wife, Narcissa, has reportedly begun making midnight visits to a "family friend," a tall, thin and greasy-haired professor at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."
Posted Jul 9, 2006 at 7:47 AM EST
Witch
Points: 651
Therin Ennui says:
Hahaha, mainstream fanfiction. I wonder if the Malfoys would put aside their muggle hate to make a quick buck off of Wal-mart?
Posted Jul 11, 2006 at 12:36 PM EST
Witch
Points: 859
hwhitesi says:
Oh my gwad *rolling in the floor laughing* That was great. I love the quotes taken from Moody and Tonks....and the insinuation about Narcissa, and her "midnight visits". Classic!! Mad props to the author!
Posted Aug 20, 2006 at 5:27 PM EST
Head Girl
Points: 480
Geowitch says:
What a fun article that must have been to write. He only came in 15th though, that is surprising but really enjoyed reading the whole thing. Hillarious
Posted Aug 24, 2006 at 7:00 PM EST
Mistress of Wit and Wisdom
Points: 3074
missypotter says:
I love this article. I still wonder how Malfoy actually made his money to begin with. Apparently he does well with investments. It sounds so probable when they write it in print.
Posted Aug 25, 2006 at 1:52 AM EST
Slugmeister
Points: 3732
Prawg says:
Oh, this was too funny! Hilarious, in fact! It's incredible that people actually spend time calculating this kind of stuff, but I must admit I'm loving it. I wonder how Dumbledore would do...?
Posted Oct 13, 2006 at 5:25 AM EST
I Am Queen of My Castle
Points: 3672
Hecate3fold says:
Now this was funny! I didn't know what I was reading at first or where it came from. Somebody has a great imagination, and should be doing more of this. Congrats to who ever wrote this. Keep it up. Blessings! Hecate3fold!
Posted Nov 21, 2006 at 9:14 PM EST
Parselmouth
Points: 29083
Thestral Eyes says:
*laughs* I love the ebay remark aha though i cant see a pureblood like malfoy using muggle filthy technology. Wish i could see the rest of the list, stupid computer wont load it.
Posted Nov 25, 2006 at 6:51 PM EST
Witch
Points: 542
Tara Piglet says:
Poor Draco, he was kinda human before his parents turned him into a sour little brat.
Posted Jan 15, 2007 at 6:22 PM EST
Witch
Points: 629
Crookshanks535 says:
Lucius Malfoy trading Wal-mart? Egads- now THAT is funny! Do we even know, by the way, how wealthy the Malfoys are compared to Sirius or James's families? But Wal-mart, that's funny.
Posted Mar 21, 2007 at 2:55 AM EST
Muggle
Points: 22
stone says:
Oh this stuff is just unbelievebly funny, if it wasent so believable ;).
Posted Jul 12, 2007 at 5:20 AM EST
Celtic Epona
Points: 6699
Val-Halla says:
Weird list. I'm glad Lucius was on it though. He's very cool.
Posted Apr 1, 2008 at 3:46 PM EST
Azkaban's Most Wanted
(Moderator)
Points: 13597
Lord Zimkel says:
L0L! I wasn't a member of HPANA when this was posted. It was an awesome I idea. I certainly wouldn't have seen Lucius as the type that would invest in Wal-Mart, Halliburton, however, is dead on. =P
Posted Apr 8, 2009 at 7:41 PM EST
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