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SEPTEMBER 6, 2003 at 1:32 PM
Posted by JAMES
Source: Book-A-Minute via The Leaky Cauldron
Samuel Stoddard (which is a name this editor automatically assumes is a pseudoscript) writes a few threadbare lines
summing up the most broad themes located in Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, and manages to infuse a sense of the comical into this piece as well. It certainly left me gasping for air.
Editor's Note
Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone is not just about magic; it is magic, for this single book is mysteriously comprised of two separate texts: there is the printed text that is experienced when the book is read, and there is the secret, more sinister text that is experienced when it is not read. This strange divergence has caused a lot of controversy, but we here at Book-A-Minute maintain the spirit of neutrality and uphold the freedom of personal choice. Rather than forcing our readership to subscribe to one text or the other, we have chosen to condense both versions of the text, thereby permitting concerned parents the choice of which version -- if either -- to read to their children.
Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone
...Ultra-Condensed by Samuel Stoddard
Harry Potter
I thought I was a lowly child; instead, I'm a wizard.
Hagrid
Harry, here are some secrets I'm not supposed to tell you.
Harry Potter
(saves the world)
THE END
Ba-dum, crash! Funny, eh? Included in the rest of above linked article is another, secret version. ;)
Reader Comments (50)
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Student
Points: 281
LiLSw33ti says:
"Harry Potter saves the world" that was funny
Posted Sep 6, 2003 at 1:34 PM EST
Points: 77
Lily Potter says:
Oh. That's weird. HP saves the world. Ha ha ha.
Posted Sep 6, 2003 at 1:54 PM EST
Order of Merlin, 1st Class
Points: 1856
Rupert Baby says:
Thats funny, that would be Harry Potter with out all the details and fluff although this was quite funny i believe i would prefer reading the original thanks you very much!
Posted Sep 6, 2003 at 2:14 PM EST
Witch
Points: 917
Slytherin_Punk says:
Figures Harry Potter always saves the worl. duh...
Posted Sep 6, 2003 at 2:18 PM EST
Chief Brain Washer
Points: 2881
Chogiiiirl says:
I really prefer the original text. However, this is a funny little joke about the books.
Posted Sep 6, 2003 at 2:29 PM EST
Witch
Points: 750
siriusgurl says:
he he funny! I love the part with Hagrid...
Posted Sep 6, 2003 at 2:44 PM EST
Wizard
Points: 603
Padfoot7 says:
Ha ha! The second one is quite funny. We all know, of course, that JK is trying to brainwash kids into preforming Satanic Rituals, right?
Posted Sep 6, 2003 at 2:46 PM EST
Witch
Points: 721
Lupakitty says:
You know that does basicaly summerize some of the first book. I don't know about the "secret version".
Posted Sep 6, 2003 at 3:03 PM EST
Student
Points: 204
Bryak says:
Wow, if JK had just written that she could have saved herself a lot of time.
Posted Sep 6, 2003 at 3:09 PM EST
Transfiguration Professor
Points: 2990
Choralee says:
Short - but not very sweet! Give me the books anyday - I want all the fluff and extra words to read through!
Not too sure about that "here's how you perform santanic rituals and become demons" comment...
Posted Sep 6, 2003 at 3:54 PM EST
Supreme Mugwump
Points: 2893
S.P.E.W. fan says:
Like most of the stuff on the internet, this was something to by the author, fo the author. About the "perform Satanic rituals" reference, that was just a joke at all of the ultra-sensitive religious conservatives that really think that it must be embeeded in there somewhere.
Posted Sep 6, 2003 at 4:11 PM EST
Animagus
Points: 19544
Sirius-Ella says:
Huh? I'm confuzzled..whats
he talking about?
-sirius-ella-
Posted Sep 6, 2003 at 4:48 PM EST
Witch
Points: 742
TigerEyez says:
hahahahahhahaa that is so funny! I don't see why you would want a condensed version though...
Posted Sep 6, 2003 at 4:54 PM EST
Points: 77
Lily Potter says:
That is sooooooooooo weird!!!!!!!!!! Ican't wait till the second one. *sarcasm*
Posted Sep 6, 2003 at 4:54 PM EST
Heir of Slytherin
Points: 5499
Spazzingduck says:
Oooooookay. What was even the point of making that?
Posted Sep 6, 2003 at 5:07 PM EST
Order of Merlin, 4th Class
Points: 1227
Prongs150 says:
I feel he missed some key points. Just kidding! Great article: short, sweet and to the point. He even managed to insult the crazies in the world. Oh, gotta get back to my satanic rituals. HA!
Posted Sep 6, 2003 at 5:53 PM EST
Witch
Points: 532
Obsessed-Harry-N-Dan-Fan says:
ooooo-k....that was odd. weird person. Yes i'd say thats ultra condensed. but thats basically the story line. considering the book is a few hundred pages long, thats a good condensed version. its funny but not that much. that person should write an ultra condensed for OotP.
Posted Sep 6, 2003 at 6:00 PM EST
High Inquisitor
Points: 23488
KT Lady says:
Hahahah o My Gosh thats great...im like cracking up...but really..its just so ridiculous! dont you agree?? whoo I got a kick out of that one :)
Posted Sep 6, 2003 at 6:04 PM EST
Order of Merlin, 4th Class
Points: 1303
wahnaroo22 says:
I thought it would be funnier then that. :(
Posted Sep 6, 2003 at 6:10 PM EST
Student
Points: 223
punkmarshmallow11 says:
ha ha ha ha HA that was really funny but not as funny as comdey central!
Posted Sep 6, 2003 at 7:27 PM EST
Witch
Points: 979
Butterbeer says:
Ha! that is pretty funny! Harry will always save the world!
Posted Sep 6, 2003 at 8:09 PM EST
Witch
Points: 712
harryroxmysocks says:
Ha. Go Harry! He always saves the day!
Posted Sep 6, 2003 at 11:07 PM EST
Professor
Points: 1196
Godric11 says:
Harry Saves the world...but that's not what david bay says...he says harry spends all his time eating dead bodies?!...
He he...david bay is a bottom...
Anyway, that was funny...harry will always be the hero we all need. : )
Posted Sep 7, 2003 at 1:04 AM EST
Points: 363
Hedwig says:
He he! Very funny. Although I think the only way the books could be any better is if they were longer. hahaha!
Posted Sep 7, 2003 at 1:23 AM EST
Witch
Points: 657
Wotcher_Tonks says:
I can't wait to read what he does with the rest of the books, extremely funny!
Posted Sep 7, 2003 at 2:07 AM EST
Order of Merlin, 1st Class
Points: 1826
snapelupinfan says:
The secret version-very funny! Makes me laugh like Luna Lovegood!:) Hope we see "Ultra-condensed" versions of all books-including secret versions, of course!
Posted Sep 7, 2003 at 6:22 AM EST
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